Q. Amongst other things your book is about how the problems we face as adults are connected to what we experienced as kids. What was your own childhood like?
A.
Wow! I didn't see that one coming.... Just like many other people, my childhood was not only good. Many things were good, though. I was fed, clothed and cared for. But I was scared most of the time. There were so many warnings around me. "Be careful! Don't touch! Be quiet! Don't tell people everything! Watch out!" I did not really know what the consequences would be if I did the opposite of what was expected of me, I never dared to try it out. In addition to the fear, my childhood was about being there for other people. My great mission was to make sure that the people around me were fine. I worked hard on that one.
Q. What kind of problems do you have, or have you had in your adult life that you connect to your childhood?
A.
No surprise about this one: Fear! Looking back, it is clear to me that fear has been my big issue. I used to walk around with this huge, black and heavy bump in my belly, I felt like I couldn't breathe and all the time I created the worst possible scenarios in my head. In addition to this, I have carried hundreds of "ought to's", "musts" and "shoulds".
Q. How did you overcome these problems?
A. It has been a long, long road. Actually, I think I started the "healing process" while I still was a little child. All the time, I was hunting for adults who were different from those close to me. I used to observe how grown-ups talked to children. Then I would compare that to what I heard at home. Finally, I made the choice about who I wanted to listen to. My education, which gave me knowledge in development psychology, has also helped.
Q. In your opinion, what sort of problems are the most common for grown-ups?
A.
All human beings carry experiences from their childhood. All these events and experiences are stored in our bodies and will influence our daily lives. Positive experiences help us and make us function well. The opposite happens with the negative experiences. Many years ago I heard someone saying: "There is no such thing as a happy childhood!" In one way, this is true. All children experience fear, loneliness and different sorts of abuses. All of us have experienced being laughed at, left alone, frightened or yelled at. These experiences created negative emotions. Then, for example, when we experience fear as adults, this fear will be linked to all the times we have felt the same earlier in life. So, in my opinion, negative emotions, like anger, fear, jealousy, depression, lack of courage, apathy, anxiety, are quite common problems among adults.
Q. Is there a difference between men and women when it comes to what kind of problems they have?
A.
Yes and no. Adult problems have an important source in negative experiences from the childhood. This goes for both men and women. But, how these experiences show themselves as problems in adult life is often different for the two genders. In my opinion this has to do with differences in men's and women's cultures. We are raised as girls (to be girlish) and boys (to be boyish). Therefore we have different patterns of behaviour.
Q. Isn't it too late for adults to change the experiences of their childhoods?
A.
No! Naturally, we cannot change what actually happened back there. But we can change to what extent these experiences are influencing our daily lives! We can choose to let go of bad memories, the criticisms of others and the attention we give the voices from the past. We can choose to be in charge of our own lives!
Q. What kind of methods and approach do you use to solve your own problems?
A.
There are lots of ways available. One way is to seek knowledge about ourselves. When we discover that our reactions are totally normal and we realize why we have these reactions, it becomes easier to explore who we really are. Armed with knowledge we must use honesty as the next step. If I want to change, there is no point emphasizing the things I am really good at. I need the courage to take a critical look at my weaker sides. There is where my potential for change is hidden.
The most common methods for changing are in a way based on will power. It works well for many people. To put it simply, one controls one's thoughts and behaviour, one "forces" oneself to think and act differently.
In addition to this, there are numerous of methods avaiable, also within the so called "alternative" landscape. It is up to the individual to choose what is best for him or her. The most important thing is that we want changes and that we make sure we are moving forward.
Q. If you could, what kind of changes would you have made to our childhood?
A. If only I could! I would have given all of us a childhood with an abundance of love shown to us in a way that we, as children, would have understood. I would have wished for us to get hugs and cuddles, to have felt appreciated, to have been given acknowledgment and challenges. I would have wanted our parents to say: "You can do it!" and when we failed, I would have wanted them to say, "No big deal! We all make mistakes. Lets try again! Do you need help?" I would have wished for all of us that we could have grown up in a predictable environment surrounded by adults who were confident, relaxed and loving.
Q. How would these changes effect our adult lives?
A.
We would struggle less, see more options, grab more opportunities, have more inner peace, trust our own judgment more, find it simpler to choose, have more fun, be less critical of others and enjoy life more!
Q. What goals do you have for your work?
A.
The big goal is to give children a better childhood. Of course, I cannot be out there, raising all the children by my self, but I can do something. Through my books, my courses and my coachin, I want to contribute in developing better skills in both parents and "profesionals". My hope is that this will help adults becoming more aware and give them some new tools and better attitudes. If I sucseed, it will benefit many childre. Through my self development courses I want to help people to really be in charge of their own lives. My experience is that it IS possible to change, even for an adult person.
Q. At the end of you life, how would you like to be remembered?
A.
Having been generous...
